Behind individuals lie their abundance of dreams, hopes, and aspirations.
My biggest fear is having all these ambitions and a starry-eyed vision of who I want to be but then growing up in the real world only for my idealism to be tempered down and my dreams and potential to go unfulfilled.
Do you ever feel like you’re a delicate piece in a Jenga tower, where one wrong move could send everything crashing down? In my case, I find myself battling the fear of rejection and constantly craving academic validation. We live in a society that often equates failure with an inability to bounce back as if one stumble means the end of the road to success. Growing up, I explored various interests, yet now, amidst a sea of ambitious individuals, I struggle to pinpoint my true calling. The pressure to find my path weighs heavily on me.
The validation I chased never seemed to be enough, largely because I held myself to impossibly high standards. If I received a B+ instead of an A, I’d berate myself for falling short. Throughout high school, I carried a weighty burden as relentless thoughts of “your best isn’t good enough” and “you’re not as smart as you think” consumed my mind.
But if I hadn’t earned a dollar
What would you think of your dear daughter?
Would it be pity or dishonor to ensue?
And if I failed to earn blue ribbon
How could I ever be forgiven?
Tell me what love would still be given from you
Growing up, my parents constantly pressured me to excel academically, promising rewards in return. However, each time I fell short of achieving honors, they’d compare me to my classmates, insisting that if others could do it, so could I. I wish they understood the sacrifices I made — like pulling all-nighters to study — to meet their expectations.
Recently, a painful realization struck me one time. A comment from someone cut deep: “I don’t think she’s particularly bright; she’s just average.” It stung because all I yearned for was recognition of my efforts, yet it seemed my best wasn’t evident to others.
In the end, I simply long for someone to acknowledge that I’m giving my all. But sometimes, even that feels out of reach, leaving me to question if my efforts will ever be good enough.
But isn’t failure an inherent part of being human? Aren’t we meant to stumble and learn from our mistakes? I fear falling short of my parents’ expectations and my aspirations. It’s as though I’m trapped in a perpetual cycle of obligations, with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Deep down, I’ve always harbored a desire to make a meaningful impact, to contribute to something greater than myself. Yet, despite my relentless efforts, progress feels elusive, like navigating an endless maze.
Yet, in this quest for validation, I find myself questioning: Whose approval am I truly seeking? Why should my sense of self-worth be contingent upon the praise and recognition of others? For much of my life, I sought validation through academic achievements, but I’ve come to realize that my worth extends far beyond certificates and accolades. I am more than the sum of my accomplishments, and I no longer need external validation to affirm that truth.
I began to prioritize self-care by reclaiming proper sleep and allowing myself breaks during study sessions. Moreover, I tried to reframe my mindset, consciously replacing negative self-talk with affirmations of my humanity and effort. For instance, I shifted from criticizing myself with thoughts to acknowledging, “I’m human and I make mistakes.’
