You don't live to make others comfortable. You live for yourself.
I’ve spent much of my life trying to live up to the expectations of others, fitting in and doing what I thought was expected of me. Recently, I had a realization that shook me to my core: I don’t truly know what I want from life. It’s incredibly difficult to distinguish between what society wants me to be and what I genuinely desire for myself.
This inner conflict has made life painful and confusing. It’s easy to change my opinions to align with those around me, and I often feel lost, and unsure of my own values. I’m working on breaking this cycle that affects my friendships, relationships, and life choices.
Self-care is imperative. Someone once told me to become the person I would want to date. It might sound strange, but if you think about it, how would you treat someone you love? I realized I needed to treat myself with the same kindness and respect.
As an empath, I tend to prioritize others’ needs over my own, putting them on a pedestal while neglecting myself. But there’s something incredibly empowering about deciding to live on your own terms. When you do things because you want to, not to prove something to someone else, you find genuine enjoyment in your actions.
To start, it’s important to understand how you meet your own needs. Are you doing so in ways that empower or disempower you? Are you supporting yourself and others, or are your actions neutral and unsustainable? The need for validation is tied to our desire for significance, love, and connection. Often, we place our self-worth in the hands of others, seeking their validation to feel loved and important.
Recognizing this is the first step toward change. Notice if you are setting expectations for others to fit a certain standard, then forcing relationships to meet those expectations. Understand that attachments and expectations do not serve us well. By letting things be as they are, we can surrender to the natural flow of life instead of resisting it.
When we become aware of how we meet our needs, we can shift from disempowering behaviors to empowering ones. For example, if I place my self-worth on my partner’s validation, I set myself up for a rollercoaster of emotions based on their response. Instead, I need to find ways to feel significant and loved that don’t rely on others.
As we begin our inward journey and grow in self-awareness, we bring everything to the surface, enabling us to make empowering changes and live consciously.
Everything changed for me when I learned to communicate with others. I became more interested in their lives and emotions. I learned to assert myself, say no, and express my feelings honestly. I stopped telling people only what they wanted to hear and started being truthful about myself.
This awareness extended to noticing others’ emotions and their honesty. Eventually, I began to be honest with myself, becoming considerate of my own emotions and getting to know myself better. I learned what I like and dislike, even if I haven’t fully discovered my life’s purpose.
Now, I focus on short-term goals that will open the doors I want in five to ten years. By living for myself and embracing this journey of self-discovery, I am finding a path that is truly mine, filled with authenticity and personal fulfillment.
In the end, remember that life does not need to be perfect. It doesn’t have to resemble the cliché romance movies you watch. No one has a flawless life. Instead, aim for a life that is stable and makes you and the people around you healthy and happy.
As Taylor Swift sings in “You’re On Your Own, Kid,” “Everything you lose is a step you take.” This journey of self-discovery and living for yourself may not be easy, but it’s about finding strength in your struggles and moving forward despite them. “So make the friendship bracelets, take the moment, and taste it.”
Life’s beauty lies in its imperfections and the unique path you carve out for yourself. Embrace your journey, with all its ups and downs, and find joy in living authentically.
